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Self-Confidence
It's a funny thing, confidence. Like money, we all feel at times that we could do with more of it and those who have plenty never give it a second thought. It's an elusive feeling, one that evaporates under the spotlight of attention, but when you've got it, you feel you can do anything.
What does 'confidence' mean?
By 'self-confidence', people usually mean the feeling of knowing that things will go well. This immediately gives us an idea of why it can be such a problem - we cannot know the future!
Confidence in your own abilities
The essence of self confidence is having faith in your own abilities. Being able to trust that, whatever happens, you'll be able to deal with it. Why is it then, that we spend most of our time imagining what things will be like when they go wrong, and seeing ourselves being embarrassed, humiliated or failing in some crushing way?
Self Preservation
One reason why we do this is to avoid danger to ourselves. Contingency planning is where you imagine what could happen, and make plans to deal with it. This is fine in business, government or project planning, but in many other day to day situations, such as social occasions, the possibilities of 'what might happen' are far too numerous to deal with in this way.
Confidence, the myth
People often say things like "I can't do that, I just don't feel confident". By this, they seem to mean one of the following; either "The fact I feel under-confident is some kind of message that I shouldn't be doing it" or "Before attempting anything new, I have to feel confident about it first." Both of these leave us less likely to be able to tackle new situations in a comfortable way. What we need more is a sense of 'whatever happens it will be OK'.
Improving Your Self Confidence
You may have discovered that, while you've got some things going for you, you lack the self confidence to stick your neck out and get on with it. Or you may feel you haven't the qualities and qualifications, and need the confidence to do something about it.

You may feel confident in work situations and un-confident in social situations, or the other way round. Everyone's different but knowing the situations and people who undermine your self confidence may give you a clue to the goals you want to set yourself.
Identify your own confidence highs and lows here:
When do you feel least confident?

Who are the people who help you feel more confident?

When do you feel most confident?

Who are the people who help you feel more confident?
Use the situations and people who help your confidence as the foundation stones on which to build further confidence. When your confidence takes a knock, remember these situations and use your supporters. Spend more time in the situations where you feel more confident and around the people who you feel most confident with. The more you do this the more confident you will become.

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